How Malaysian are you?

Take this test and find out if you’re just a lumpy tourist or are on your way to becoming a citizen.

1. Kopi-o is:

a. The name for Kinko’s in Malaysia
b. Undrinkable
c. The only way to start the morning

2. The best way to eat a mangusteen is to:

a. Hit it with a very large mallet while wearing your best white suit, then eat it
b. Take a big bite out of it and chew the rind slowly
c. Carefully crush it in your hands and eat the juicy white bits

3. A durian is:

a. That band from the 80’s, right?
b. Inedible
c. Absolutely delicious

4. The technical term for people who play catch with a durian is:

a. Durian durian
b. Durian athlete
c. Masochist

5. The ISA is the…

a. Indonesian Subway Army
b. Internal Security Act
c. Hahaha… I love all religions, and so do you

6. The police found your camera…..
a. In the hotel gift shop
b. By the side of the road
c. Priced at 200RM on Cheapside Road

7. Complete the phrase: “We saw monitor lizards…
a. In the zoo”
b. In the sea”
c. In the zoo and in the sea”

8. Feringgi is..
a. One of those guys from Star Trek with the teeth, right?
b. A multicultural paradise
c. Malay for “tourist trap”

9. “Watch out for the bloody kangaroo!” is something you might hear:
a. In the Outback of Australia
b. On the roads in Penang
c. Both

10. “Baik” means
a. Put it in the oven for 60minutes
b. Thing with two wheels
c. Good

Score:

Mostly a. : Good morning, President Bush
Mostly b. : Enjoy your short stay in Malaysia
Mostly c. : Selamat datang!

Safe travels!

Welcome

Risking the solipsistic intro that will alienate many readers, I'll start by telling you a bit about me, so that you know that I am speaking from years of experience. I work as Product Manager for an electronics materials company and have global responsibilities that take me all over the place. I get to Asia a lot, and mostly enjoy the food, and have a reputation for eating and enjoying things that others won't, although I don't eat beef or pork: if that makes any sense to you(?). I speak enough of several different languages to get by almost anywhere, and generally find that wherever I go: 90% of the people are friendly and helpful, and 10% are idiots, independent of race, creed, culture or economic status.

I also try (as far as possible) to "fit in", as far as a blond 5'10" Westerner can, with the local culture. For example: the Taiwanese have the Japanese fear of disease, so when I got a cold while traveling in Kaoshiung two years back, I wore a mask (see picture) to prevent contaminating my customers. Whatever works! In the background that's the Taiwanese high-speed rail (THSR) that is the Taiwanese version of the Shinkansen (bullet train) that used to run only from Taipei (in the North) down to Kaoshiung, and I understand now actually runs to Zuoying.